Deadlock Victim: 07/18/2004

Night Tree.

Lonely

Slowly, so slowly
I glide through the room
No one sees
No one hears
I cannot be sensed
Much less comprehended
I call to them
No reply
No reaction
Don't they realize
I am not there
Given cold shoulder
I lay at home
Staring at the ceiling

For the Curious

For those who are curious enough, the images below are of my DVD collection during it's move from my room to book shelves in the family room, these were taken partway through. The book shelf are layered 2 rows to a shelf.

When I take them, I will post better pics of the final configuration, for now.

DVD's all over 4

DVD's all over 3

DVD's all over 2

DVD's all over 1

The Entrance to Vanderbilt Mansion.

Olympics.

We're just a few weeks away from the start of the summer games, and it appears that the attendance is going to be down. I was reading in the paper that more than half of the games tickets are still available, the travel agents are reporting sluggishness, and there are thousands of hotel rooms still available. Since the games are in Greece, it had been assumed that they would be a great attraction considering their large tourist business they already have.

Reading this got me to thinking, I know, it hurts, but still. I was wondering if the threat of possible terrorist activity could be having an impact on the sales? The world has changed a lot over the past few years, not just for those in the US, but all over the world. I know other countries have been dealing with terrorist activities and such for a lot longer than we have in the States, but ever since 9/11, we have been putting stronger emphasis on it, as it has finally hit home. It also seems that certain governments are trying to create an atmosphere of fear. I think this probably is having an effect, at least on Americans, of tourists who had been considering going to the games.

Certainly brings a bigger perspective on things. I personally don't think there will be any terrorist problems at the games. But I also refuse to fall into the fear that is trying to be put over us. If we give in to the fear, we have lost the fight.

Deception

Deception
Falsifying the actuality
Making unreal reality
Building of walls
Making others
Take the fall
For the mistakes
Of one
Yourself

The Hudson River

Bowling alley parking lot II.

Bowling alley parking lot.

Childhood.

Note sure if any of you are into Hardcore, but on your left int he picture below is the bands drummer. We were childhood friends who grew up together. Now he is the drummer for a world touring band. Pretty cool if you ask me. Check them out at: http://www.hatebreed.com/main.asp

On your left, the drummer for Hatebreed.

Addiction.

Are any of you addicted to anything? I am, a couple of things actually. No drugs or alcohol, or cigarettes. Although the addiction I speak of does have an effect on health, at times I feel helpless in resisting it. I am addicted to fast food, and junk food in general.

I eat it a lot. And have for many, many years. Many more than I would care to admit. Every once in awhile I stop eating it, but I'm always back to it in a matter of weeks. The problem is, I don't replace the meal with anything else, like bringing my own lunch to work. This of course makes it easier to slip into the fast food rut. Even when I do bring my lunch, I find myself being able to be convinced by co-workers to order lunch with them.

Justification comes in many forms, mainly things like "It was a rough morning, I deserve it." Also if I do start feeling hungry, my willpower to avoid it decreases dramatically. As I get hungrier, it becomes more and more appealing. So by the time I go to lunch, I pretty much have a one track mind. Once I'm done eating, however, I tend to feel guilty about it, but at the same time, my mood is lifted, I feel happier and have a bit more pep.

I think this is why I identified so much with the documentary Super-Size Me. The mood change, and the weight gain. I am not in terribly good shape, granted I could be a lot worse off. Still the fact remains, I am in dire need of weaning off of this addiction and dropping some poundage.

It's really a terrible feeling, and a hard cycle to break. Maybe talking about it like this will motivate me to get off the junk, and work on my physical self-image. Like the saying goes " If I am what I eat, I'd be fast, easy, and cheap."

Wish me luck.

Personality Disorders

I took an online questionnaire to give me an idea if I suffer from personality disorders. Well, here are the results. Judge for yourself:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
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